


I’ll convince Me, and then I’ll convince You too

by LesbianLesbian



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post Mission Impossible Fallout, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, but not really, for them it’s a slow burn, mission impossible fallout, mission impossible rogue nation, some sex mentioned, some violence mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22997758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbianLesbian/pseuds/LesbianLesbian
Summary: Taking place through events of rogue nation, narrating scenes directly from the movie and then filling in some missing scenes to make them more romantic. I skip over fallout and go straight into events after fallout, with the Team of Ethan, Benji, Ilsa, and Luther working together.Whole story is about Benji and Ethan eventually getting together it just takes them like a year bc they’re gay and idiots.Takes place in two parts: rogue nation, and post Fallout. Shifts in what character we are focusing on are punctuated by * a star.
Relationships: Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt
Comments: 7
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

Ethan weighed the option in his head for over a week. As soon as he discovered a Syndicate member, perhaps even leader, might be at the opera, he started thinking about bringing Benji into the fold. He went back and forth on it, the benefit of having a technician expert as skilled and experienced and easy to work with as Benji, versus the sheer amount of danger Benji would be in if he even KNEW where Ethan was. 

In the end, he decided that over everyone else, Luther, Brandt, Jane, anyone else he’d worked with over the years, he knew he trusted and relied on Benji more than any of them. Even as he sent the tickets, he felt relieved. He couldn’t put his finger on why. He supposed he’d just been so lonely these past months, he was excited to see his friend. He had dearly missed the team, especially Luther, but for some reason not being able to talk to Benji, not even text him, had been such a hard part of these few months. Ethan scoffed at himself as he walked back to his safe house after sending off the tickets, he was just lonely out here by himself. Anyone would miss talking to their friends after spending six months on the run. 

*

“Are you in?” Ethan asked. Benji hesitated, half forming words, images of him back at the CIA, being interrogated flashed through his mind. 

“Are you IN?” Ethan asked, more forcefully, and for a brief moment Benji remembered seeing Ethan in the flesh for the first time after he had broken Ethan out of the Russian prison. “Yes! Yes, of course.” He said instantly, shaking his head slightly. He couldn’t have refused if he tried.

Getting to the opera, though nerve wracking, wasn’t difficult, and Ethan kept him updated on where to go and what to do once he got there. After seeing the Chancellor outside, Benji made his way up the stairs of the opera house. He laid into Ethan a little about going AWOL, but Ethan was quick to remind him they were on a schedule. 

“Nice tux, by the way.” Ethan said teasingly, and Benji whirled around as he climbed the steps. Where was Ethan? Could he see him right now? Damned man, Benji thought to himself, it’s not the right time to say things like that. Benji bit his tongue, could feel his face heating up just a smidge. So what Ethan thought he looked nice tonight? He was probably just kidding anyway, trying to lighten the mood.

*

Ethan smirked as he saw Benji whirl around to try and see where Ethan was. Ethan was carefully out of view, but he could still see Benji as he looked around, straining to see Ethan, before Benji shook his head and blushing- Blushing? Ethan asked himself briefly- made his way up the stairs with an added ounce of haste. 

Once Benji was in position, Ethan calmed down a little. 

“Join the IMF! See the world! ” He heard Benji exclaim quietly over the microphone, either oblivious that Ethan could still hear him or just trying to lighten the mood. “From a monitor. In a closet.” Ethan had to stifle his laugh. He waited, making his rounds, trying to see if he could see anything suspicious as he waited for Benji to find something. 20 minutes passed. 

*

“Talk to me Benji.” Ethan said in a hushed, almost breathy tone. 

“STAND BY.” Benji replied, his heart pounding. Damn Ethan and his voice. So distracting. Benji shook his head. He couldn’t focus on how much he missed Ethan or how nice his voice was right now. They were on a mission, they were tracking a highly dangerous man. He had to keep his wits about him and OFF of Ethan. 

“Where are you?” He hear Ethan say in the same tone, and Benji’s skin prickled. “I know you’re here.”

A couple minutes and a few directions later, Ethan had obviously found something. Benji could hear the microphone Ethan was wearing give a slight scream, like it had been hit, and then the muffled sounds of a struggle. “Ethan, do you copy?” He asked, but got no reply. 

The two of them walked in silence to the safe house, trying to appear as at-ease as possible as they made their way to the docks. Benji was still jittery from the adrenaline of the night. Ethan took a few seconds to open the floating safe house, and then they were inside. Benji incredulously looked around. How, being a fugitive, Ethan had secured such a well provisioned safe house, Benji could not fathom. Before he had a chance to ask, Ethan was pulling several items of our drawers and passing them to Benji hurriedly.

“New identity. There’s a passport, cash, map, there’s a change of clothes in that bag right there, everything you need to get to D.C. undetected. Once you’re there, you’ll have to inform on me.” Ethan said in a rush, giving a slight sigh at the end. Benji stood, dumbfounded, trying to start a sentence. 

“I- what- sorry what-“ 

“Tell the truth,” Ethan cut him off, “You went to Vienna believing you won two tickets to the opera, and I attempted to recruit you into assassinating the chancellor, and you refused-“

“That is not the truth- !” Benji tried to cut in. 

“You’re life,” Ethan’s voice had lost its anxious speed, and had become serious and gravelly, “depends on them believing you, Benji.” 

His voice softened. “It’ll go easier if you tell them what they wanna hear.”

“Ethan, at least tell me what this is all about.” Benji tried to keep the worry out of his voice. 

Ethan didn’t react for a moment, and Benji held his breath. Ethan then leaned slowly back from the table he had been leaning on across from Benji, and turned to flip a switch. “Recognize anyone?”

Two computer monitors turned on to Benji’s left, each screen covered in portraits of people in suits. Agents, Benji thought absently. The two screens started scrolling through photos, until a familiar, sharp featured man came up. 

“Him.” Benji said with certainty. 

“Former KSA, German intelligence. Missing, presumed dead.” Ethan said. Benji turned in confusion.

“He was at the opera tonight.” Benji told Ethan, leaving out the part where he had been bodily thrown against a wall like a bag of potatoes by the same missing presumed dead agent. 

“This one too.” Ethan continued, a photo of another man came up on the screen. “Former Massad.”

“Let me guess: missing, presumed dead.” 

“Tonight I made it official.” 

The screens switched to show a realistic sketch of a man with beady eyes and glasses. 

“I was looking for him. In the Bosporus, the same day a car accident killed a visiting president from Maloui. He slipped away again in Jakarta, hours before a passenger plane vanished over the pacific with two hundred and thirty six passengers.” Ethan turned back to the table,

“I just missed him in the Philippines, right before a fire at a petrochemical plant gassed a village of two thousand people.”

Benji turned and leveled his gaze with Ethan. “You’re saying these accidents are somehow connected?”

Ethan held his gaze for a moment, before clicking the screen over to pictures of news articles. 

“That missing plane was carrying the secretary of the world bank.” Click. “That fire erupted a global arms corporation.” Click. “That wreck triggered a civil war.”

Benji stares at the photos with a grim realization. A shadow organization built of people with a perfect understanding of politics, arms dealers, secret agencies, you name it, and they were all untraceable. 

“These are not accidents.” Ethan confirmed, “they’re links in a chain. The work of a single organization. The Syndicate: a rogue nation, trained to do what we do, with a new sense of purpose. Destroy the system that created them, regardless of who’s in the way.”

“An anti-IMF.” Benji concluded. 

Ethan nodded. “And since Hunley showed up, they have been escalating, unchecked. Killing the Chancellor tonight was a statement, a start of a new phase.” 

“Orrr, they could just be a series of random disasters.” Benji said softly, stepping toward Ethan. Benji wanted to believe Ethan, but this all sounded like a ridiculous action movie. 

“He was there. Every time.” Ethan said his expression going cold, and he walked past Benji. Benji dropped his gaze in embarrassment. “Just like he was there tonight, I’m sure of it. I don’t know who he is, or where he’s from, how he’s funded, but I know he’s the key.” 

“Ethan, this is what I signed up for! Let me help you find him-“

“That’s why I brought you here in the first place, and look what happened!” Ethan said indignantly. “I can’t protect you.” He turned to face Benji, raising a hand to point at him, his expression and body language showing he was getting more and more anxious.

“That’s why I NEED you to leave.”

Benji felt anger rise inside him. And bitterness, and loneliness, and suddenly a sense of envy. 

“That’s not your decision to make, Ethan!” His voice rose even louder than Ethan’s, leaving no room for Ethan to cut him off this time. He continued, “I am a field agent. I know the risks. More than that, I am your friend, no matter what I tell the polygraph every week! Now you CALLED me because you needed MY help! And you still do.” Benji couldn’t tell where the burst of confidence had come from, but if he had a chance to help Ethan, by god he was going to give it his all. “So I am STAYING. And that is all we are gonna say about that.” He finished, determined and angry. 

Ethan stared at him for a solid five seconds before he raised his hand in a meek “you win” motion. “Okay.”

“Good.” Benji nodded, the adrenaline of the night’s events and the anger quickly disappearing. “Where do we start?”

“Ilsa.” Ethan replied, and a second sketch appeared on the monitor. 

“Right.” Benji came to Ethan’s side, looking at him rather than the sketch, “and how do we find her?”

“She said we have everything we need.” Ethan raised the tube of lipstick. Benji frowned at it for a moment before taking it and quickly discovering the hidden USB Ilsa had stashed in it. 

“Of course.” Benji mumbled, impressed. He went to the monitor at the table and plugged the USB in, loosening his bow tie as the files came up. “Give me a few minutes and I can find where she is and arrange a way to get there.” He assured Ethan. “We can leave as soon as I’ve got the tickets printed.”

“We should sleep first.” Ethan said absently.

“Oh, that’s interesting.”

“What is?” Ethan asked, turning to look at the screen Benji had pulled up on the two larger monitors. 

“It’s a SCF. A secure computer facility. It’s offline, ultra contained, impossible to hack into from the outside. It’s essentially a digital safety deposit box. Very strange thing for a young lady to be carrying in her sundries.”

“Where’s it located?”

“Uhh, Morocco.”

“Morocco?” Ethan said, a tinge of excitement to his voice. Benji pulled up a few flight listings and scrolled through them. Ethan walked over as Benji compared schedules, coming to stand behind Benji. Benji focused resolutely on the keyboard. Ethan was standing close enough Benji could feel the brush of Ethan's Jacket against his arm. Ethan laid his hand on Benji’s shoulder and leaned down so they were both eye level with the monitor. Benji stared at the screen, not daring to look at Ethan’s expression. Benji pulled up the file and after a moment of scrolling through its contents, found what they were looking for.

“There’s a flight headed out in three hours that we can make if we hurry-“ 

“And there’s one in twelve hours that we can make if we get a good night’s rest.” Ethan finished. Benji then glanced at Ethan out of the corner of his eye. Ethan was watching him, expression neutral. 

“In twelve hours? Don’t you think we’ll be too late-“

“She wants us to come find her. I think she’ll wait more than a day if she has to.” Ethan’s said, smiling. 

“Right.” Bejin said, swallowing thickly. Ethan made no move to stand back up, face still only a couple inches from Benji’s. Benji’s pulse picked up. Was Ethan wearing cologne? Stupid question, of course he was, he had been infiltrating an opera. After a few more seconds, Benji pushed his chair away from the desk, and Ethan’s eyes followed him as he stood and made his way to the bag Ethan had pointed out earlier. 

“Are there pajamas in the change of clothes or…?” 

Ethan chuckled. “I think I have something stowed in here.” He made his way to one of the drawers, pulling out a couple articles of basic clothing. He then turned and went back to the computer with the SCF information on the screen. Benji pulled off his jacket, and started undoing the top buttons of his shirt. 

“Perfect, I guess we’ll pack and then leave in the morning?” He asked, pulling off his dress shirt and then his undershirt, but Ethan made an incredulous noise from behind him that caused him to stop and turn before he had pulled on the shirt Ethan had grabbed for him. 

“What? Everything ok?” He asked, trying to read Ethan’s expression. 

“Yeah, yeah, all good.” Ethan said, eyes boring holes through Benji’s torso. “Have you…. put on some muscle?” He asked, eyes going from Benji’s arms to his - meager - abs. Benji frowned in confusion. 

“I guess? The CIA, damn them, have some perks. The gym is open 24/7 and, I don’t know. I’m always done all the work they give me pretty early so I’ll hit the gym now and then…” he wondered suddenly how Ethan would know he’d been working out, since he figured Ethan couldn’t have seen him shirtless before now. He shook the thought from his mind. “Figured if the IMF ever got reinstated, being a little more in-shape would be a great way to get back into the field.” He quickly pulled the shirt over his head, and grabbed the rest of the clothes before hurriedly headed for the bathroom. 

“You look good.” Ethan said suddenly, and Benji stopped, turning to look at him over his shoulder. 

“Thanks. You- you look good too. I mean you always looked good but I mean you still, uh, still look great, yeah.” Benji stopped himself suddenly and quickly shut the door of the bathroom, taking a deep breath once he had locked the door. He had to get this whole hero worship thing with Ethan under control, or he was going to lose it. Yes, it was wonderful seeing Ethan, alive and well. Yes, it was great to get out of the office and actually do something in the field. But he needed to get his little crush under control before he started being weird around Ethan. Otherwise everything was going to be weird, and distracting, and far too much to deal with. Your friend discovering you’ve had a stupid little crush on him since you met him while you’re both committing treason and avoiding both capture from the CIA and pursuing an untraceable shadow organization stocked with former agents and seemingly unlimited means. Yeah, that was a recipe for success for sure. 

*

Ethan watched the door close, and he let out a breath he had been holding. Same old Benji. Well, more defined back muscles and… biceps. But other than that same old Benji. 

*

Benji returned, dressed in a simple set of sweatpants and a grey t-shirt, to find Ethan had already changed into something similar. 

“I’ll wake you in 8 hours,” Ethan said, glancing at his watch. “Which do you want, top or bottom?”

Benji’s mouth went dry. He stared at Ethan for a full five seconds before his eyes drifted to the set of beds, bunk beds, behind him. 

“.......bottom bunk, I guess.” He said finally, hoping the long pause sounded to Ethan like he was just trying to make a decision rather than having his life flash before his eyes. 

“Great! I prefer top anyway.” Ethan said with an easy smile. I’m sure you do, Benji thought, before mentally kicking himself. What had he just said about this exact thing? Get it under control! He thought angrily, pulling aside the sheets and climbing into the bed. 

They slept through the night, although when Benji woke, Ethan was already dressed and was pulling out assorted packages of food from the shelves, and Benji could see the laptop was open on the table, with a mug next to it.

“Have you been up long, Ethan?” He asked groggily, running a hand through his hair before climbing out of bed.

“A while. I don’t usually sleep more than four or five hours anyway.” Ethan said casually, offering Benji a mug of coffee. 

“Thanks,” Benji gathered up the extra sets of clothes he would need for the flight to Morocco, and the two of them set about packing and making their way to the airport. 

*

Ilsa ran them through the security for the SCF, and every solution Benji and Ethan came up with, she promptly explained she had thought of and rejected. 

“Unfortunately, even if you Could make it through every other security measure, you won’t beat the last one. That’s because it’s protected by gate analysis, the step beyond facial recognition. These cameras actually know how the agents walks, how he talks, how he moves, right down to his facial ticks.” She explained. 

“So what you’re saying is no mask can beat it. We’re busted before we even get into the vault, and I wind up in a Morrocan jail playing mama and daddies with Omar the Strangler.” Ethan suppressed a laugh. Even in a crisis Benji managed to be funny. Benji sighed “Okay, so I don’t get to wear a mask.”

“And there’s no other way into the computer lab?” Ethan asked.

“No other way.” Ilsa confirmed. 

“Air shaft?”

“Six inch diameter vents.”

“Foundation?” 

“12 feet of concrete, top and bottom.” Ilsa told them. Benji and Ethan looked at each other and spoke simultaneously.

“Electrical conduit?” 

“Bottom line is there’s no way into that terminal unless your profile is preinstalled in the security system.” Ilsa finished. Benji groaned and scrubbed his face with his hand. 

“Profile?” Ethan asked. An idea dawning on him. “Where are the profiles stored?”

Benji pulled up the rest of the blueprints for the SCF and flipped to what he was looking for.

“All security data is stored offline in a liquid cooling tank, here, inside the Taurus.” Benji motioned to the blueprints. 

“Liquid cooled? You mean that thing is underwater?”

“Yes.” Benji and Ilsa conformed simultaneously. 

“Okay. So to get the ledger, one of us needs to enter the Taurus, and change the security profile, so that the other one can access the computer without being caught.” He looked to Ilsa for confirmation, “that’s the only way.

“That’s the only way.” Ilsa agreed. 

“Can I get in through there? What’s that?” Ethan asked, pointing to what looked like an escape hatch.

“That’s the service hatch. It can only be opened from the inside. Open it from the outside, and you get hit with seventy thousand pounds of pressurized water.”

“Where does the water come from?” Ethan asked, as he paced the room. 

“The water comes from the intake feed, in the power plant. And before you ask, the system is designed to shut down automatically if any metal enters the intake.” Ilsa looked up toward Ethan, waiting to see how he would discover his brilliant solution for this problem. 

“So no oxygen tanks?” Ethan asked, and Ilsa nodded. 

“Alright, well how long will it take to free swim from the intake to the service hatch?” Benji jumped in. 

“Two minutes, with the current at full power.” Ilsa told him. 

“Well, you’d just have to hold your breath for two minutes.” Benji said, relieved, turning to Ethan. Ethan started at him. Did Benji think holding one’s breath for two minutes as a simple task?

“What about installing the security profile?” He asked incredulously,

“Wha- that’s gonna be like a minute.” Benji said dismissively. 

“So I have to hold my breath for three minutes.” Ethan concluded.

“You can do that!” Benji told him, waving his hand in an unconcerned gesture.

“I think what you’re overlooking is the excursion. The more you exert yourself, the faster you consume oxygen.” Ilsa reminded Benji. 

“Don’t worry about him, alright,” Benji insisted, and Ethan for the first time the entire mission was suddenly questioning if Benji was the right choice. He certainly had far too much trust in Ethan’s abilities, or rather, what he perceived as Ethan’s abilities. Benji continued, “all you’ve got to do is install the fake profile, BEFORE I get to the gate analysis. You said it yourself, it’s the only way.” Benji Gabe a huff of laughter, “that doesn’t sound impossible.” 

Ethan gave him an unconvincing smile, but he stared at the cooling tank and thought about what Benji had just said. If he DIDNT make it in time, he could drown, and Benji would be caught, tortured, and killed. 

*

“See, what’d I tell ya!” Benji exclaimed happily as he came down the stairs to the meeting place to get Ethan and Ilsa out, “Difficult? Absolutely, but certainly not impossib-“ he stopped as he spotted Ethan, his head cradled in Ilsa’s hands, a defibrillator to their sides. He tripped over himself, pausing to get his balance as he stared at the two of them. 

“Oh Jesus Christ is he alright? What happened, what happened?” Benji ran the rest of the way down the steps and over to them. He paused, looking between Ilsa and Ethan, looking at the stunned expression on Ethan’s face, the clear worry and relief on Ilsa’s. He gave Ilsa a nod of gratitude, before collecting himself and pulling open his backpack. He pulled out a change of clothes for Ilsa, but as she took it, he pulled it back lightly to get her attention.

“Hey.” He said softly, and she looked back towards him. “I misjudged you.” He gave her a weak smile, and then started climbing onto the platform. He thought again about how she had gone in after Ethan, resuscitated him, had been cradling Ethan’s head and gripping his shoulder. She was caring, Benji thought to himself, and it was clear Ethan cared at least about what she thought. He wouldn’t say anything, but he hoped their short interaction just then had let her know he thought she was a good person. A good enough person. For Ethan. 

“Hey, hey man, hey.” Benji babbled as he made his way to Ethan’s side. “Hey how you doin? Hey buddy?” He smiled at Ethan, hoping if he kept calm Ethan wouldn’t panic.

“Benji..” Ethan said sluggishly.

“Yeah.” Benji sighed in relief. At least Ethan was cognoscenti enough to recognize him. “Yeah, it’s Benji. You did good.” He patter Ethan’s shoulder, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“You take a moment, alright, just take a moment. There’s nothing a little sunshine and fresh air won’t fix you’ll be right as rain.” Benji told Ethan, although he was assuring himself just as much as he was assuring Ethan.

“What are you talking about?” Ethan asked, but Benji ignored it, feeling his heart jump in panic. He instead pulled out a USB. 

“Look, we got it! I knew we’d get it!” He whispered triumphantly. He started chuckling, the ridiculousness of the situation finally catching up to him, “listen, I don’t wanna be ungrateful or anything, I appreciate everything you do for me, but one of these days you are gonna take it too far.” He said, smiling down at Ethan, who was smiling back up at him. 

“We got it! We are gonna nail-“ Benji’s throat seized up around the last word as all of his muscles contracted in pain suddenly. 

Next thing he knew, Ethan was hauling him off of the floor.

“Ugh, that really hurt!” He garbled, grunting in pain. Ethan was leaning against him for support.

“Can you walk?” Ethan asked, clearly not doing great himself.

“Yes, yes I can.” Benji said through the pain.

“We have to get her before Lane does.” Ethan told him and Benji grabbed Ethan’s side and they made their way towards street level.

They caught up with Ilsa in the Airport. Ethan would talk to her, Luther, Benji, and Brandt would keep watch. 

“So that’s her?” Brandt asked.

“That’s her.” Benji replied, not looking away from Ethan and Ilsa.

Ilsa and Ethan took a seat at a table, and everyone zeroed in on what they started saying.

“I have to say,” Ethan said as he sat across from Ilsa, “you sure can ride.” The two smiled briefly at each other.

“Ethan-“ Ilsa began.

“You were just doing your job. That’s all we’re going to say about it.” Ethan assured. 

“Atley said you would understand.”

“Atley?” Ethan asked, before realizing. “You’re handler at British intelligence.” Ilsa nodded.

“And he didn’t bring you in.” Benji could hear the disbelief and anger for Ilsa’s sake in Ethan’s voice. “Even after you gave him the disk.” Ethan continued.

“You knew perfectly well it was blank.” Ilsa said pointedly, to Benji’s confusion.

Benji scoffed, “that’s a lie.” He said to the group over the earpiece. “The disk she took was an exact copy, I’m sure of it.” 

“Was it in your possession the entire time?” Ethan asked, and Benji watched Ilsa’s eyes widen in concern and then track to the floor as she thought about the past few days. Her face slackened in realization and she sighed.

“They don’t care if you live or die.” She said finally, before turning her attention back to Ethan.

“But you knew I was going to take it to him.” She leveled her gaze with Ethan’s.

“I hoped you would. I hoped it’d be enough to get you out.” 

“Woah woah woah, that means Lane doesn’t have the disk, only we do.” Benji said suddenly, relief flooding his chest.

“I have a question.” Brandt said, turning slightly away from Ethan and Ilsa. “If the disk was blank, why is she still alive?” He asked, accusingly. 

“Unless of course,” Brandt continued, “Lane wanted us to find her.” 

Ethan was silent for a moment. “So who are you working for now?” He asked. 

“Lane, Atley, your government, my government, they’re all the same.” Ilsa said tiredly, “We only think we’re fighting for the right side because that’s what we choose to believe.”

“So where’s that leave us?” 

“The way I see it, you have three choices.” Ilsa leant back in her chair. “One: you hand me and the disk over to the CIA. I’m proof the Syndicate exists. Lane becomes their problem, and your work is done.”

“My thoughts exactly” piped up Brant.

“Works for me.” Agreed Benji.

“But you know they’re not going to believe you.” Ilsa continued, and glanced toward the rest of the group, “and you’ll all be tried for treason. Lane goes free.” 

“I’m afraid she has a point.” Luther said.

“Two. You let me walk away to an uncertain fate. You use the disk as bait to trap Lane.” And Ilsa tilted her head, “But some part of you suspects you’ve met your match. And being a gambler, you’ll probably hand Lane that disk whether you want to or not.”

“That is entirely possible.” Benji said carefully. Ilsa has almost as good a read on Ethan as Benji did.

“And option three?” Ethan asked hopefully.

“Come away with me.” Ilsa paused, her gaze never leaving Ethan. “Right now.”

There was silence. Ethan didn’t speak, and neither did Ilsa. The two of them were locked eye to eye. For a moment, Benji felt the white hot grip of fear of losing Ethan, of never seeing him again. After a second though, he recalled the moment of finding Ilsa kneeling over Ethan, trying to bring him back to life, and his fear dimmed slightly. Of all the people Ethan could run away with, Ilsa might have been Benji’s second choice. 

“Oh boy…” Luther said slowly.

“And what about Lane?” Ethan asked finally. 

“Forget about Lane. There will always be another Lane. There will always be people like us to face him.” Ilsa assured. “We’ve done our part, and we’ve been cast aside. We can be anyone. We can do anything. It’s only a matter of going.”

Benji watched as Ethan held Ilsa’s gaze for a long moment, before looking away and regaining his composure. 

“Lane sent you to deliver a message, didn’t he?” Ethan said, the moment passing.

“I saved your life, twice. I won’t be able to do it again.” Ilsa warned.

“What’s the message?” Ethan said coldly. Ilsa hesitated, before sliding a phone across the table to Ethan.

Ethan reached down to pick it up when a loud screeching came over everyone’s earpieces. In the same moment Benji made the connection with the phone being a signal hammer in disguise, he felt somebody approach him from behind and the pinch of a needle entering the skin on the side of his neck. 

*

Ethan looked around even as the screaming in his ear went on. He saw Ilsa, Luther, and Brandt all accounted for, and felt his stomach drop. He spun to face where Benji had been standing. He couldn’t see him.

“Benji..” he whispered, spinning back to face Ilsa, who looked just as surprised as he felt. The phone in his hand suddenly went off, and Ethan answered. A grainy video of Benji, unconscious and limp, being heaved into the back of a van. The video pulled away from Benji’s face and travelled until Vinter could be seen in the rear view mirror. He held Ethan’s gaze a moment, before winking, and the video clicked off. 

“Parking garage!” Ethan said, sprinting as fast as he could towards it. “Luther, stay with her!” He instructed belatedly.

Ethan and Brandy bolted to the garage, just in time to have van speed out of their reach and exit out into the city. Luther followed behind them moments later.

“She’s gone. I lost her.” He told them. 

Ethan looked away from Brandt and Luther, searching through the garage for a sign he knew wouldn’t be there.

“She set us up, Ethan.” Brandt said bitterly. 

“No, she delivered a message.” Ethan reasoned

“She set us up! She knew this would happen!” Brandt shouted.

“Only Lane knows what’s going to happen!” Ethan countered. He took a breath to continue when the phone rang again. There was no number on the screen. Ethan answered again.

“I have a job for you, Ethan.” Came Lane’s even, raspy voice. “And for the sake of your friend, you’ll do it.”

“I’m listening.” Ethan said without hesitation.

“Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to bring me the unlocked disk by midnight tonight. Now say the words, please.” Lane said cooly, and Ethan knew he was laughing at him, at all of them.

“I accept.” 

“Yes.” Lane said, “I knew you would.” Ethan grimaced in disgust at the tone of his voice, and the line went dead. Ethan let his hand drop back to his side.

“He wants the disk.” He told the others flatly, “Unlocked, by midnight tonight.”

“Ethan, there’s only one person on earth who can unlock that disk.” Luther began.

Ethan nodded, agreeing with Luther. “We have to take the prime minister.” He concluded. 

He heard Brandt draw a breath and then laugh faintly  
In disbelief.

“Let’s think about this for a minute.” 

“It’s the only way to get Benji back.” Ethan said, his voice heavy with worry.

“Ethan, that’s exactly what Lane wants you to do.” Brandt told him.

“Which is why it has to happen.” He thought about it for a moment, going through the chain of events, before the realization hit him like a train. “This is how we beat Lane. This is how we make everything right, can you see?”

Brandt stared at him in confusion.

“Can’t you see it?” Ethan asked again.

Everything was going according to plan. Brandt has just got off the phone with Hunley, and he, Luther, and Ethan were at the safe house getting everything ready.

“Shoulda been gone by now.” Luther mused, looking at his watch.

“Yeah.” Brandt agreed. Brandt sullenly made his way to the windows, and both Luther and Ethan followed his movements. 

“You ok?” Luther asked. Luther has always been better at reading people, Ethan thought to himself. 

“We’re supposed to take down the prime minister of Great Britain tonight, so…” Brandt left his sentence unfinished.

“Brandt.” Ethan said carefully. “I can’t see… another way.”

Brandt nodded, “neither can I.” He agreed, and he looked Ethan square in the eyes. 

“But we do what we have to do for our Friends, right?” There was a coldness to Brandt’s voice, but he gave Ethan an affirming nod and still helped pack up the van. 

While he was packing up the van, Ethan and Luther collected up the rest of the supplies.

“Ethan…” Luther said quietly, watching Ethan’s expression. “Are you sure this will work?” He asked finally.

“It has to work.” Ethan said, his voice almost frantic. “It has to work.” He repeated. 

“And if it doesn’t?” Luther stopped what he was doing and just watched Ethan as he continued to double check their supplies. “What if we get there too late? Or the code is wrong? Or-“

“Then Lane kills Benji.” Ethan answered, his voice momentarily flat, before it suddenly pitched back into frantic. “But I won’t let that happen. It WILL work.”

“What if he’s lying? What if he's just going to lure you there with Benji just to capture you? What if he’s torturing all the information he needs out of Benji right now? What if Benji is already dead?” Luther demanded.

“I don’t know!” Ethan shouted, his hand shooting up to cover his mouth, and Luther could see his shoulders shaking as though he was holding back tears. “I just…. this is the best I can do.” He said finally. 

Luther finally approached him, and laid a comforting hand on Ethan’s back. 

“I’m sorry Ethan.”

“This is my fault. I should have done something, prepared better- I don’t-“ Ethan started, but midway through his sentence Luther just wrapped him up in a bear hug, silencing anything else Ethan was about to say. He felt Ethan tense against the hug for a moment, before heaving a tired sigh and putting his arms around Luther. 

“We’ll get him back, Ethan.” Luther said suddenly. “Just like you said. This is going to work.”

*

The bag over Benji’s head was finally pulled off, and his first sight sent him almost hyperventilating. The man who had pulled the bag off was none other than Yanik Vinter, the Bone Doctor himself. Vinter gave him an amused smile. Benji looked to his other side, where another tall, muscle-bound man stood watch. Benji then looked to see what he could make out about the restraints on his wrists, gave them a couple quick gigs to see how they held. They held fast, and just looking at them he could tell they were military grade at least. There was no way he could pull them off. His breathing sped up, the danger of the situation he was in was overwhelming. He looked frantically around until his eyes landed on the man across the room. He stilled, fear paralyzing him. A memory of Ethan’s voice suddenly filled his head.

“A passenger plane vanished over the pacific with two hundred and thirty six passengers….” Lane, Benji knew, was a fastidious, clever, and cruel man. And now he had Benji right where he wanted him. Benji could feel sweat breaking out across his skin. He wondered briefly if Lane would torture any information out of him. 

Lane began to slowly walk towards Benji, and already Benji leaned back, as though if he leaned back enough he could get further away from Lane. Lane stopped a couple feet from Benji, and drew a breath, a look of triumph crossing his face, before continuing slowly forward, leaning down until his face came to rest inches from Benji’s own. Benji did everything he could to get further away, shrunk down in his chair, leant to the side, but it was futile. Lane surveyed him for a moment, and Benji swallowed thickly, his breaths short and fast. 

“Get him ready, please.” Land said softly, a smile creeping slowly onto his face. Benji glanced around the room quickly, trying desperately to put the words to some context, before his eyes landed on the table next to him. Or rather, what was on the table. He looked incredulously between Lane and the bomb. A bulky thing, a mess of wires and a screen that Benji could tell had a digital count-down timer and a passcode, all strapped to a vest that Benji was certain was completely made of explosives, all sewn into the black fabric. He stared at it, and then back at Lane, realizing what it meant. He really was bait. He was going to be used as bait. He was going to be used as a bargaining chip to make the team, make Ethan, give Lane the key. Suddenly his fear gave way to anger, to outrage, his breaths came faster and harder. Benji wanted to start shouting, trying to persuade Lane it would never work, Ethan wouldn’t let the syndicate give something as powerful as the key in exchange for Benji. Useless Benji who couldn’t even keep his wits about him long enough to realize he was being kidnapped. 

“It won’t work.” He blurted out as Lane began to walk away. “They won’t trade you the key. This is pointless.” 

Lane stopped and slowly turned to look at him. Benji instantly regretted opening his mouth. He felt suddenly as if he had revealed a hand of cards to Lane in a game of poker. Now Lane knew everything, and Benji was in trouble. 

Lane walked back over to him, very slowly. Benji’s breath quickened, he started sweating. Lane stopped about a foot away from him, not nearly as close as he had been just a moment ago, but close enough for Benji’s comfort. 

“Don't think so little of yourself, Agent Dunn.” Lane said in tone that was amused, but he said it quietly, so quietly that Benji could only just hear him. “Agent Hunt will not only bring me the key, he will bring it to me with the red box opened. How he will manage this, I’m not sure-“ and lane took a step forward, standing between Benji’s legs and leering down at him, raspy voice continuing, “but nothing will stop Ethan Hunt from bringing me that open key, Agent Dunn.” 

“You’re wrong. The IMF would never give over that kind of power to you for one person’s life. Do yourself a favor, stop wasting your time and just shoot me.” Benji said, trying to keep eye contact, trying to sound cold and detached, but even he could hear the desperation in his voice. It didn’t sound like a threat, or even an assurance, it sounded like he was begging Lane to just get the inevitable over with. Benji didn’t know how Ethan could open the key, or even IF Ethan could open it. He didn’t even know if Ethan WOULD open it. A selfless part of him prayed Ethan wouldn’t even think about it, chalking Benji up to an unfortunate loss, and continuing to fight the syndicate. A much louder part prayed Ethan would at least think about rescuing Benji, at least try to get to him before Lane did anything more than just scare Benji. 

Lane reached out a hand, and Benji instinctively recoiled, though he couldn’t get very far. Lane traced a cold finger along the edge of Benji’s jaw, from under his ear to his chin. Benji looked away, down at the floor to his side, he could feel his face beginning to heat up in fear. 

“The IMF? No, they wouldn’t trade such a thing for one life. Ethan Hunt on the other hand….” Lane paused.

“You don’t know, do you?” Lane asked, his voice somewhere between intrigue and pity. He tilted Benji’s face upward slightly, bending down until they were only inches from each other. “Even though he could only last six months without you, and only you?” He smiled, Benji could feel his cool breath on his skin. 

Lane continued, “This is breaking his heart, or course. I wouldn’t worry about Ethan coming to your rescue, Benji,” Benji shivered, repulsed, hearing Lane say his first name, “you should have seen his face when Vinter took you. Ethan will come for you-“ and Lane grabbed Benji’s chin with a force Benji had not been expecting, physically hauling Benji upward, until their noses almost touched. “Because he just can’t stay away.” 

Lane held him there for a moment, and Benji chanced a look at his face. A cruel, cold smile creased Lane’s face as Lane locked eyes with him. Benji looked away again, cursing himself for saying anything. Lane gently let go of his chin, but as he did he let his fingers drift done to Benji’s throat, slide down from his Adam’s apple to the collar of his shirt. Benji was frozen, too afraid, or maybe surprised to move. Lane let his hand lest there, his palm against Benji’s collarbone, his fingers grazing the hollow of his throat. 

And then in a moment, he had turned and walked away. Benji drew in a deep breath, hoping Lane didn’t hear it. He looked up, just in time to see Lane lean in to whisper something to Vinter, and while he couldn’t hear them, he could read Lane’s lips. He didn’t make out the first part, he could make out the last couple instructions. 

“Have your fun. Make it hurt,” Lane had whispered, “but don’t leave any visible marks.” 

Hours later, a bomb strapped to his chest, Benji was having a jacket pulled into him by Vinter. He grimaced in pain, as Vinter was not being gentle with it. 

“Now tell me again exactly what you are going to do.” Vinter instructed, giving Benji a cruel smile.

“I don’t think-“ Benji was cut off with a harsh strike across his face. Vinter resumed pulling the Jacker on and adjusting the wires as Benji hissed in pain from the slap.

“We have a few more minutes before you have to be in the car. Do you think Hunt will notice if you have broken some fingers?” Vinter asked, clearly amused. 

Benji weighed the option for a moment in his head. In the end, he swallowed his pride.

“I get in the van. Ilsa takes me to the meeting place. I am to say nothing unless I am repeating what Lane is saying over the earpiece. I don’t move once I have activated the pressure trigger on the seat. I make no moves unless Lane specifies to.” Benji spoke in a flat, emotionless voice, looking at the floor. 

“Very good.” Vinter told him, patting him lightly on the cheek. Benji flinched away, and Vinter laughed. 

Benji sat in the cafe. He was cold, he was shaking with adrenaline and fear, and he knew at any moment he could burst into nervous tears. 

“Ilsa,” he whispered, knowing Lane was listening intently to everything he and Ilsa would be saying, “if he doesn’t come-“

“He’ll be here.” Ilsa said, voice hard. Benji shut his mouth and went back to staring straight ahead. Gently, he felt Ilsa’s hand on his forearm. He gave a half nod, his eyes dropping to the table. He didn’t blame Ilsa. Chances were, she wouldn’t get out of this alive either. He sat there, staring at the tablecloth of the cafe, as the sounds of conversations went on around him, the sound of Lane’s breathing in his ear. 

Ilsa looked past him, her eyes training on someone. Benji kept his gaze forward, until Ethan was at their table, before he slowly turned to look up at Ethan. Relief and profound guilt filled his chest, and he could already feel his eyes becoming moist with tears. 

“This is the end, Mr. Hunt.” Lane spoke into his ear. Benji repeated, choked out the words. He could see Ethan registering the earpiece and the contact camera Benji was wearing. Ethan extended a hand across Benji’s chest, and Benji froze up. 

“Careful.” Ilsa warned, voice barely above a whisper. 

“Two pounds of Semtex, five-hundred thirty-caliper ball bearings. Your friend is sitting on a highly sensitive pressure trigger,” Benji drew in a shaking breath before he repeated the last part, “so no sudden moves.” He kept his eyes on Ethan’s face, as he had been instructed, but he could tell Ilsa had alerted Ethan to her hidden pistol. 

“You’re final test?” Ethan asked Ilsa quietly.

“When Lane has what he wants.. I kill you, and Benji.” Ilsa said evenly. “If not, everyone dies.” 

Ethan pulled his hand away from Benji’s jacket, taking a long look around the cafe. 

“No time to think, Ethan.” Benji repeated, “Have a seat, please.” Benji stared at Ethan, and made an expression he only wished Ethan could read as an apology. 

Ethan kept his gaze, hand coming to rest on Benji’s shoulder, giving it a soft, affirming squeeze. Benji swallowed back tears.

“Human nature,” Lane spoke as Ethan sat down across from Benji, their gazes locked. Benji wondered for a brief moment between repeating Lane’s sentences if Ethan was looking at him, or through him, to Lane. “My weapon of choice.” He continued.

“From the moment I killed the going lady in the record shop, I knew you would stop at nothing to catch me. I also knew Ilsa wouldn’t have a choice, whether she broke you that night you met, or let you go. Whether you let her run in Morocco, or whether she went to Atley or not.” Benji felt like he was going to throw up, having Lane speaking through him to torment Ethan.

“You were certain we’d end up where we are, right now.” Ethan concluded. 

“Then again,” Ethan continued after a moment, “so was I.” 

“I know you, Lane. Somewhere along the line you had a crisis of faith, human life didn’t matter any more. Or maybe it never really did. Either way, you killed too many innocent people without ever really asking WHO was giving the orders, or why. You blamed the system for what you are, instead of yourself. You wanted revenge, but Rome wasn’t destroyed in a day. You needed help, you needed money. A lot of it. And you’ll stop at nothing to get it.” Ethan leaned forward, his eyes trained on Benji’s right pupil, zeroing in on Lane and Lane alone. 

“And that’s how I know I’m going to put you in a box.” 

“Where’s the disk?” Benji repeated quietly.

“You like to play games.” Ethan pulled out a pen and drew a napkin closer. He began to write something. “I’ve got a game for you. I’ll give you fifty million dollars,” and he paused to hold up the banking information, “to let Benji go.” 

Benji could hear the countdown, there was less than a minute. He wanted to speak, wanted to tell Ethan to think of the people around them, to beg Ilsa to shoot, to do something. He could hear the faint sounds of Lane typing the information into a computer, a ding of confirmation following it.

“Where is the disk.” Lane asked, sounding more annoyed. Benji repeated it. “Where is the disk.” Lane asked again, getting louder with frustration. Benji repeated it again, his own voice increasing volume with worry. His face was twisted in fear, and he couldn’t help but glance down at the vest

“You’re looking at it. I am the disk. I memorized it, all 2.4 billion in numbered accounts. If that vest goes off, you get nothing. Without this money, you’re nothing, without ME, you’re nothing.” Ethan grinned, challenging the man behind the camera. 

“Right now you’re thinking it’s a bluff. I’d never let my friends die. I couldn’t possibly memorize the entire disk. There’s only one way to be sure.” And Ethan paused for a moment, let the gravity of the situation set in. “Let Benji go.” 

Benji heard the countdown.

9, the beeps of the timer got louder.  
8, Ethan leaned back in his chair.  
7, Ilsa turned, gun forgotten.  
6, Lane, labored breathing showing his anxiety  
5, Benji’s face screwed up in fear  
4, Ilsa’s eyes reflecting the timer.  
3, Lane moved, Benji could hear rapid steps.  
2, Benji prepared for the blast  
1

Nothing happened. Benji let out the breath he held, relief coursing through him. 

“Take him.” He heard Lane instruct.

“They come one step closer, shoot me.” Ethan told Ilsa, and she without hesitation acted on his word, shifting closer to Ethan and pulling the gun from beneath the table to rest against Ethan’s side. 

“Stop!” Benji heard Lane demand, and Benji drew a deep breath.

“You remember I told you once you were going to take things too far?” Benji said, his voice quick but calm, and he nodded at Ethan, “this is me speaking by the way, it’s not him.”

“The only way this ends,” and Benji could tell Ethan has zeroed back in on Lane, “is you and me, Lane, face to face. Only this time, I won’t be locked in a glass box. You want your money? The bone doctor is gonna have to beat it out of me.” And Ethan slammed a hand on the table, emphasizing his point. 

“Now let. Benji. Go.” 

There was silence for a moment, and Benji glanced between Ilsa and Ethan, heart racing. There was still the active bomb, the controller Lane had, the pressure trigger, and of course, the many men surrounding them that would have to be dealt with.

Finally, Lane spoke. As he gave the code, Benji shakily tapped it into the screen on his chest, and after a moment, he heard the earpiece go dead and the timer clock off. He pulled the earpiece out, and hastily removed the contact from his eye, before stripping the jacket and bomb off. He bundled everything up in his arms, and stood. Ethan held out a phone.

“Go.” Ethan told him. 

“Ethan-“

“Brandt and Luther are waiting. Go.” The last syllable was only a whisper. Benji searched Ethan’s face for a moment, and for a brief second, a smile passed over Ethan’s lips, and Benji knew instantly that Ethan had a plan, that they would see each other again. Benji nodded, and began his way past Vinter and his goons, pulling up Brandt’s number. It rang for a moment, before Brandt picked up.

“It’s Benji, where do I go?” He asked, breathless.” After a moment, Brandt gave him directions, and began filling him in on the plan.

The next few steps were easy. They set up, and then just had to wait while Ethan and Ilsa expertly lured Lane to their location.

Benji watched in grim amusement as lane shot at the glass, going so far as to kick the glass between him and Benji several times, in an almost tantrum-like way, before turning to face Ethan. 

“It hurts, I know.” Ethan said, mocking Lane. “Gentlemen. This is Solomon Lane. Mr. Lane. Meet the IMF.” Ethan glanced toward Benji, giving him a knowing smile, which Benji returned, before turning the valve on the sleeping gas they had prepared. Benji watched in triumph as Lane’s shots became slower and less coordinated as the gas filled the glass chamber. 

Once Lane had gown down, falling to the bottom of the chamber, they got moving again. Ethan pushed the glass case over, Benji, Luther, and Brandt pulled on their emergency services jackets, Benji taking a moment to try and breathe through the pain of pulling on the jacket, and then Benji locked the back doors of the ambulance Brandt and Luther had managed to acquire. 

Before he climbed into the ambulance, Ilsa tapped his shoulder. He turned to face her, and she pulled him into a gentle hug. 

“Thank you. For trusting me.” She whispered, and Benji gently hugged her back. 

“Thanks for looking out for him. He… he needs it sometimes.” Benji chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’ll look after him until we see you again.” He assured her. She pulled back and gave him a teary eyed smile. She turned, and went toward the car parked just beyond, and Benji watched as Ethan trailed after her. A pang of sadness filled his heart for a moment, but he shrugged it off. Ethan and Ilsa would be a great team, he told himself. She was certainly Ethan’s type. He tried to brush the thought from his mind as the team piled into the ambulance. 

“Ethan, we gotta go!” Luther reminded Ethan, and Benji heard the sirens nearing. Ethan and Ilsa stared at each other for a moment, before Ilsa pulled Ethan into a hug. She stayed there for a moment, saying something to Ethan that Benji couldn’t hear, but after a moment, Ilsa locked eyes with Benji for a moment. She gave him a smile, before closing her eyes and giving Ethan one last squeeze, and stepping away, turning and climbing into the car. 

Benji avoided Ethan as best he could once he, Ethan, Luther, and Brandt got back to the London safe house, but nothing got past Ethan. Ethan managed to corner Benji in the kitchen, while Brandt and Luther stepped out to get food for everyone, insisting Ethan and Benji got some rest. 

“Ethan, listen, I’m very tired. Everything worked out fine, we should really just all go to bed and discuss this all in the morning.” Benji said quickly, holding his hands between him and Ethan. Ethan had been watching Benji’s face, but shifted his gaze to Benji’s hands. 

Ethan caught a hold of Benji’s wrist, his grip was vice-like, but not tight enough to hurt. Benji frowned down at their hands, and pulled away, but Ethan didn’t let go. Instead he tugged Benji closer, pulled his arm up and began to slowly push the sleeve of Benji’s red jacket back from his forearm.

“Don’t-“ Benji could hear the crack in his own voice, looking up again to Ethan’s face, but Ethan’s eyes were locked onto Benji’s arm , “Don’t, Ethan-“

He looked back down to his own arm. There were welts and lines torn into the flesh around Benji’s wrist, blood soaking the edges of the sleeves of his jacket, from when he had tried, for hours, to break the ties on them. Small burns, bad enough the edges of his skin were black and the flesh was pink and wet, and shallow cuts, almost ragged from the dull knife that had made them, were here and there along his forearm. Ethan sucked in a breath, and finally looked at Benji’s face. Benji had turned his gaze to the floor. 

“Benji-“ Ethan started, before looking back at his arm. Ethan’s eyes focused on a particularly large burn at the top of Benji’s forearm, near his elbow, which was still half-covered by his jacket.

“How much more…. where else…?” Ethan whispered, not looking at Benji’s face. Benji kept looking at the ground, his eyes dull, his heart pounding, completely expressionless. Ethan rolled the sleeve back down, and carefully, gently, began to pull the jacket off of Benji’s shoulders. 

“Don’t.” Benji said quietly. He couldn’t stand to see Ethan’s face, the pity and the guilt, the stupid amount of guilt Ethan would have on. But Ethan pulled the jacket off anyway. Tried to pull it off. It was more like peeling it off. Tacky blood and edges of skin stuck to the insides of the sleeves of the jacket. Benji winced the entire time Ethan carefully removed the jacket, before he tossed it to the side and finally took in the whole picture. The wounds, large and small, continued up all the way to Benji’s shoulders, and disappeared under his t-shirt. 

“Is there more?” Ethan asked quietly, his hand ghosting over a nasty burn on Benji’s bicep. Benji didn’t react for a few moments, before sighing wetly, as though on the edge of a sob, and reaching down and pulling the hem of his shirt up. Ethan’s breath hitched. As the shirt came up over Benji’s head, Ethan could see the full extent of the damage. Black bruises completely covered Benji’s chest, and there were several angry red marks along Benji’s ribs that Ethan recognized as taser burns. There was a strangely shaped red mark, made of both bruises and scrapes, right around where Benji’s heart was, surrounding what looked like a cigarette burn right in the middle of where his heart would be. Ethan traced a finger lightly over it, frowning in confusion about what had made it. 

“He stomped on it.” Benji said suddenly. “He burned me and then he pinned me with his foot, and just-“ Benji looked up toward the ceiling, “ground his boot into the burn for a while.” Ethan flinched. 

“Who? Who did this to you?” He whispered, hand hovering over the mark. 

“Vinter, of course.” Benji said dryly, punctuating it with a hollow laugh, “and Lane watched. I think he’s got a thing for seeing people desperate.” He said it in a joking way, but Ethan could hear the strain in his voice, and the cold look that came over his face as he said it, even as he tried to smile through it. 

“And Lane watched?” Ethan asked, his voice cracking almost imperceptibly. 

“Not for all of it. It was a few hours before… before the meeting. But in the office, he sat at a desk while Vinter, while he-“ Benjii motioned to his chest, before quickly pulling his shirt back on.

“How long did he do this to you, Benji? God, it was almost 8 hours you were gone, was it the whole time or-?”

“I didn’t have a clock, Ethan,” Benji said, his voice on the edge of a chuckle, “but going off of his mutilations per minute, I’d say maybe four hours? Mostly I was just sat in that damn chair until it was time to meet you.” 

“He did this to you for four hours?” Ethan asked, barely above a whisper. 

“Give or take a half hour, I’d say. What can I tell you, the man likes to take his time with his work.” Benji was smiling fully now, clearly trying to lighten the mood. 

“God Benji, I can’t- I’m so sorr-“ Benji’s face dropped as Ethan began to make apologies, and Benji grabbed Ethan’s shoulders suddenly. 

“Ethan. Please don’t do this. I can’t watch you feel guilty about this. I should have paid more attention, you know. But that’s besides the point now.” Benji took a quick breath, “Most importantly, you still managed to beat Lane. Ethan, you saved everyone. Again.” He spoke softly, laying his hand over Ethan’s. “Let’s get some rest. You beat the bad guys today, you need to take it easy now.” Benji began to move towards one of the safe house bedrooms.

“At least-“ Ethan began, gripping Benji’s hand tighter, and Benji paused, “at least let me help you clean those.” Ethan said after a moment, motioning to Benji’s arms. Benji paused for a long moment. He really wanted to be alone right now. Have a good cathartic cry in the shower, and move on with his life. But looking at Ethan’s face he knew that if taking care of his scrapes would help Ethan feel better, it was the least Benji could do. 

“I’d really appreciate that, Ethan.” Benji said softly, “but let me shower and get out of these clothes. I’ll only be a minute.” He promised. 

“I’ll find the first aid kit.” Ethan agreed, and Benji went to find the shower. 

Benji took his time showering, waiting until the water ran mostly clear instead of watery pink before he got out. He gingerly toweled off, and pulled on a soft set of sweatpants he had grabbed before. A moment came up in his memory, at the start of all this. Ethan telling him he looked good. He almost blushed thinking about it. He didn’t put the shirt on, but carried it with him instead. He debated having his wounds dealt with in the living room rather than a bedroom, but decided quickly that he’d rather not have Luther and Brandt staring as Ethan dressed his wounds. He made his way towards one of the bedrooms that he could hear movement in, and luckily for him, it was the one Ethan was in. Ethan’s head snapped up when he heard Benji step inside the room. His face was still filled with guilt:

“Look, not so bad.” Benjii assured, knowing that without the caked blood, the wounds were far less serious looking. Most of them were superficial. 

Ethan stayed silent, but nodded, before patting the space beside himself on the bed. Benji drew a breath before settling down beside Ethan. Ethan held something out to him, and benji realized it was a carton of Chinese food. 

“It was the only thing they could find around here that was still open at 2 am.” Ethan explained sheepishly. Benji grinned and took it and the chopsticks Ethan offered, and began to wolf it down. God, when had been the last time he’d eaten? Before the Airport? Must have been, he thought to himself. By the time Ethan had finished pulling out the supplies to start patching him up, Benji was already polishing off his meal. He felt miles better than he had an hour ago. 

He hissed in pain suddenly as Ethan applied a cloth soaked in antiseptic to one of his open wounds. 

“Give me a little warning, Jesus.” Benji hissed between his teeth, making a pained grunt as Ethan continued to another cut. 

“Let me clean them, then I’ll bandage the whole area.” Ethan said in a soothing voice. He applied more antiseptic to the cloth, and continued to the next cut. 

*

After a silent few minutes, one arm was done, and Ethan had started on the other. He had given Benji an ice pack for the bruises, but didn’t say anything when Benji set it unused on the bed. When Benji’s arms were done, Ethan hesitated. He still had to do something about the wound on Benji’s chest. It wouldn’t be difficult to clean and bandage, but Ethan would need to face Benji while he did it. Up till now, he had been sitting at Benji’s sides. He sat unmoving for a moment, before biting his lip and gently, careful to avoid any cuts, took a hold of Benji’s shoulders and slowly spun him to face Ethan. Benji’s eyes flicked to Ethan’s, and Ethan’s breath caught in his throat, before Benji averted his gaze again. Ethan gently cleaned the wound, flinching every time Benji made a noise of pain. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s almost done.” Ethan soothed, unwinding the bandages. Once he had finished with the last bandage, he let his hand rest on Benji’s shoulder for a moment, let himself feel Benji’s warm skin and firm muscles beneath his fingers. He then let his hand slide lower, until it ever so gently rested over the fresh bandage above Benji’s heart. He could feel Benji’s heart pounding, and after a moment, pick up speed. Ethan’s brow creased in confusion for a moment, and he glanced at Benji’s face. Benji was staring at him, his face was going slightly red. 

“I-I, uh” Benji began, looking away and pulling back so Ethan’s Hans left his chest. “I was just thinking about those uh, those cuts on your face.” Benji explained, his face reddening even more. 

“My face..?” Ethan asked, lifting a hand. To his surprise, now that Benji mentioned it, he could feel the shallow cuts on his cheek and nose.

“Ahh, right, I went through a couple windows.” Ethan explained. 

“Windows? God Ethan, the moment I leave, and you throw yourself through, not one, but multiple windows? I can’t believe this I just can’t.” Benji chided, his tone light as he soaked a clean cloth in anti spying and pressed it gently to Ethan’s cheek. Ethan drew a sharp breath.

“Sorry..” Benji whispered, his eyes not leaving the cuts he was cleaning. After a few more moments, they were cleaned, and the worst of them had bandaids on them. Benji’s face was only a few inches from Ethan’s own. Instinctively, Ethan drew an inch closer.

“Benji…” he whispered, not knowing what he was even trying to say. Benji’s eyes, round with confusion, stared into his, and Benji’s eyes flicked from Ethan’s eyes to Ethan’s lips, for the briefest moment. 

And then Benji pulled away. He was breathing sharply, and Ethan could still hear his heart pounding. 

“We should go to bed, Ethan. Goodnight.” He said quietly, standing from Ethan’s bed and making his was into the hall. 

Ethan sat on the bed, feeling confused and guilty. He didn’t know if he had been leaning in to kiss Benji, or maybe to hug him, or something else entirely. Would he have kissed Benji? He didn’t even know if Benji liked him like that. He shook his head. It had been a long, strange day. Everyone’s emotions were running high, they just needed to sleep. 

*

Benji slammed himself onto bed, ignoring the pain in his arms as he brought his hands up to cover his face, which he knew was bright red. He let out a high pitched, muffled noise of frustration. What the HELL was Ethan trying to do, kill him? Make him have a heart attack? Benji grumbled and pulled on the shirt he had brought, drawing a pained breath while he pulled it over his head. Stupid, stupid Benji and his stupid hero-worship crush! Benji thought angrily. There was no way Ethan Hunt, THE Ethan Hunt, has been leaning in to kiss him, he had simply been leaning forward to give Benji a pat on the shoulder, Benji concluded. The more he thought about it, the more he remembered Ethan going in for a shoulder pat. 

He angrily pulled aside the covers and settled himself down to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POST FALLOUT: mostly, the team after fallout and the next mission they work on. Benji has to get a little more involved in this mission, and Ethan gets a little worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: there is some sex which, while consensual, is under duress. It’s not graphic and is very short but I should warn you (it’s with a bad guy)

Ethan woke again. His ribs were killing him, and his skin pulled uncomfortably with all the cuts and scrapes across it. He knew he was probably more bruise than person after the fight on the cliff. God, he was sore all over. He groaned and tried to sit up.

“Uh uh. Lie back down, I’ll tilt the bed up.” He heard someone to his right say. Ilsa appeared, and held down a button, prompting the top of the hospital bed to tilt upward, until Ethan was sitting somewhat upright. 

“There.” She smiled, taking a seat and turning back to face Ethan. 

“Thanks.” Ethan said, giving a weak smile in return. 

“Julia said you’ll make a full recovery, it will just take time.”

“Well, I’m known for my patience.” 

“Really, Ethan.” Ilsa scolded good-naturedly, “if you don’t stay in bed voluntarily, I’m certain Julia will just have you handcuffed to it instead.”

“Where is everyone?” Ethan asked.

“Brandt and Luther went back to headquarters as soon as you and Benji got looked at by the doctors here-“

“Benji got hurt?” Ethan interrupted. Ilsa frowned in confusion. 

“Didn’t you see him? After the fight with Lane?” 

“He fought with Lane?!” 

“We both did….” Ilsa began, “I saw him in a house and went after him alone, but he took me by surprise, and by the time Benji got there, he’d already restrained me. Benji took the worst of it….” she trailed off.

“What did Lane do? Is Benji ok?” Ethan asked, voice panicked. Great, the second time Lane had managed to get his hands on Benji, Ethan cursed to himself. 

Ilsa hesitated for a moment before she spoke.

“He should be up and about even sooner than you. He’ll be by to make sure you’re ok as soon as he can. You can ask him all about it when he comes to see you.” She said after some thought. She turned to leave, before turning back to face Ethan. 

“He’s…. been through a lot these past months, Ethan. Between not seeing you before Vienna, and you almost dying in Morocco, and now Lane, again. I know you two like to pretend everything is fine all the time, but I think you owe it to each other to take care of one another, don’t you?” She said finally. 

“What do you mean?” Ethan asked, still trying to understand everything she’d just said. Of course he would talk to Benji. Of course he would. 

“You’re a good man, Ethan, but you really need to think about actually talking to your team, rather than just relying on them to read your mind.” Ilsa chided, before turning again and continuing out of Ethan’s hospital tent. 

Ethan sat in silent confusion for a while after Ilsa left. He didn’t make his team read his mind, he thought bitterly. He tried to remember talking, REALLY talking to a team during a mission. Or after a mission. Or before a mission. Lots of talking ABOUT the mission, certainly. But when he’s been the last time he’d asked if Luther had enjoyed life outside the IMF? Or if Luther had liked working with Brandt? Or asked Benji if he was getting enough sleep? Or if Benji was ok after all those months in the CIA, being drilled about Ethan’s whereabouts every week for 6 months….

Ethan groaned and let himself sink back into the bed. When had he just….. sat down with his friends and treated them like friends? Not like teammates or coworkers, but like people he cared about? He thought about it, and for a moment he remembered patching Benji up after the encounter with Lane. He thought about that moment a lot. To be honest with himself… he thought about how much he cared for Benji a lot, too. 

But Ilsa was right. His team wasn’t made of mind readers. 

But as if someone had read his mind, he heard someone cough weakly from the door of his hospital tent. 

“Hey.” Benji said softly when Ethan turned to look who was there. 

“Ilsa said she came to see you. Said you were feeling better.” Benji said, his voice barely above a whisper. He had a jacket and a scarf on. He must have walked over from another tent, Ethan thought to himself, it’s still cold enough outside for there to be snow on the ground. 

“I’m a little worse for wear…” Ethan stopped. Ilsa said Benji had been hurt, but he wasn’t wearing a cast, or walking with a limp, or even carting around an IV bag. Had he been stabbed? No, there was no way they’d let him out of bed after just a few days if he’d been stabbed Ethan thought. 

“Actually, I’m kinda thirsty. There’s some water here I think.” Ethan said, pointing to the bedside table. 

Benji got up without hesitation, walking around the bed to grab Ethan some water, which gave Ethan plenty of time to see if he was moving strangely. He seemed… fine. 

“Ilsa said you fought with Lane.” Ethan said suddenly, unable to cope with not knowing. Benji froze forever a moment, hand inches away from the glass on the side table. He grabbed the glass and straightened before answering.

“Yep. Kicked his ass though.” He smiled warmly as he handed Ethan the glass of water.

“You and Ilsa weren’t hurt, were you?” Ethan asked, scrutinizing Benji’s face.

“Couple bruises. Nicks and scratches mostly, is all.” Benji replied, but he wasn’t looking at Ethan. “Anyway, Ilsa kicked his ass before any real damage was done, and we got to the bomb in time. Nothing to worry about.” Benji assured as he made his way back to the chair. 

“Besides, look at this!” Benji pulled out a phone and opened up a picture of a document, and held it out for Ethan to see. “The IMF is offering Ilsa a position, and get this, they want her on our team! Your team, Ethan! Isn’t that fantastic?” Benji grinned, clearly excited. 

“I didn’t realize you and Ilsa were so close?” Ethan said, mostly out of surprise.

“Oh, Ilsa’s great. When she’s not shooting at us, she’s great. Good sense of humor. Knows how to beat Lane into a coma. What’s not to like? I think she’ll be a great member of the team.” Benji explained. 

“Are you and her….” Ethan began, before he heard Benji half-scoff, half-laugh. 

“Don’t be daft, Ethan, I thought you knew me better than that. She’s not my type, and I’m certainly not hers.” Benji said, still chuckling. 

“Let me see that thing.” Ethan reaching for the phone, embarrassed at himself for even asking. Benji stood and moved so he was standing besides Ethan’s bed, holding the phone so they could both see it. 

“Here’s the proposal..” Benji explained, scrolling slowly through one part so Ethan could read it, “and here’s where they clear her record from British Intelligence and Lane.” He continued. 

“Slow down..” Ethan said, bringing his hands up to cover Benji’s. He felt Benji stiffen as their hands met.

“Sorry, scrolling too fast?” Benji asked.

“Uh huh…. here.” Ethan slowly, carefully shifted so he was on one side of the hospital bed. “If you sit there, I won’t have to crane my neck to see.” Ethan explained. But to himself, he just wanted Benji to sit near him. 

Benji hesitated, glancing between the space on the bed and Ethan’s face. 

“Are you sure I’m not going to crowd you? Your ribs-“

“I’m fine. Please, Benji?” Ethan asked. Benji smiled gently before perching on the empty side of the bed. He continued to explain the document to Ethan, leaning over to share the phone screen between them. Ethan leaned to meet him, their shoulders resting against one another. 

They both silently read through the document as Benji held the phone between them. When they got to the end, Benji made to stand up.

“Woah, where’s the fire?” Ethan joked, reaching for him. 

“Ah, don’t worry. You’ve gotta get more rest. I was just popping by to make sure you’re ok.” Benji hesitated before saying the last word. “Anyway, I uh, I gotta do some reports on all this, really.”

“Reports can’t wait an hour or two? How long has it been since we just talked?” Ethan asked, hope in his voice. 

“Really Ethan, you have to rest, I should go.” Benji began to turn towards the door, but Ethan reached out to attempt to grab his jacket. He missed the jacket and instead gave the scarf a light tug, just to make Benji pause. He didn’t expect Benji to give a sharp gasp and pull away like he was electrocuted. 

Ethan watched in confusion as Benji hurriedly readjusted the scarf, coughing fitfully as he did so. 

“Benji…” Ethan began, but Benji interrupted. 

“It’s nothing! It’s nothing. I’m going-“ Benji started towards the door, but Ethan, fear beating out pain, hauled himself out of bed and beat him to it.

“Ethan!! You shouldn’t be up, get back in bed!” Benji exclaimed, but his voice was still barely louder than a whisper. His hands were held up, as though he was ready to defend himself. 

“Benji.” Ethan said firmly, taking Benji’s wrist in one hand, “What. Happened.” 

Benji didn’t say anything.

“Is something wrong with your neck?” Ethan asked, even more forceful, using his free hand to take hold of one end of the scarf.

“Don’t do that. I don’t want to do this again.” Benji warned.

“Do what again, Benji?” Ethan demanded, voice rising. 

“I don’t want you to feel all guilty for something you didn’t cause and couldn’t have stopped! Now let me leave!” Benji exclaimed, but his voice cracked and pitched, like his throat was ragged. 

“Just…. please, just tell me what happened, then!” 

Benji didn’t move, just glanced at the door.

“Let me leave, Ethan.” He said again, his voice back to a whisper. 

“Please, Benji.” Ethan begged, his hands on both of Benji’s shoulders. 

Benji looked Ethan in the eyes for a few long moments, before his expression softened for resigned anger to guilt. Benji sighed, and gently removed Ethan’s hands from his shoulders, stepping back so he and Ethan were a step or two apart. Benji’s eyes were trained on the floor, but he began to unwind the scarf. 

Ethan gasped when he saw. 

Benji’s entire neck was ringed in deep purple bruises, with clear rope burns in harsh red scrapes and marks. Green and yellow bruises extended up and down his neck away from the main damage. Ethan took a breath.

“Lane-“

“Shut. Up.” Benji said quietly. “It was stupid. I should have just stayed with Ilsa. But I thought splitting up would mean we would find the bomb faster. If I had come to help her faster, none of this would have happened. So don’t give me any ‘I should done something’ today, Ethan. I just can’t do it.”

“Benji, how…. god, did he-?”

“I was hanged, Ethan! I got hanged! Sometimes, you fuck up, and a terrorist hangs you! And then, your new British Intelligence friend cuts you down with a broken bottle when you’re too unconscious to do it yourself and then you’re FINE. It was stupid, but Ilsa saved the day, and now, I’m fine. A little bruised, a little sore, but alive, and fine.” Benji states daggers at Ethan.

“And Ethan, it’s over. We saved the world. Amazingly, we did it again, with no casualties. Fantastic. Can you just…. just not, I don’t know, worry about this so much?”

“That’s twice he almost killed you.” Ethan said through gritted teeth. 

“Well, I promise it’s the last time.” Benji said, even after being hanged, he was still trying to make jokes.

“It’s mostly superficial, anyway.” Benji said dismissively, beginning to gingerly wrap the scarf back around his neck. “Doctor said I didn’t pull anything, didn’t even mess up my wind pipe or voice box. Just bruises. They’ll be gone in a few weeks. In fact, I’ll be fit for missions well before you, even.” Benji began to carefully guide Ethan back to the hospital bed. 

“Now get back in bed, relax, and stop trying to run around with three broken ribs.” Benji scolded. 

“If I’d known-“ 

“If you had done anything to Lane, it would have ruined the mission and we might all have died. Stop beating yourself up for doing the right thing just because I got hurt.” Benji soothed. 

“Just. Just stay for a bit? Just to talk?” Ethan asked. Benji sighed, but pulled the chair closer to the bed. 

“If it’ll keep you in bed for 5 minutes.” He said, smiling.

[4 months after the events of Fallout.]

“Everyone remembers their mission? Let’s run through it one more time.” Ethan instructed, standing and leaning on the table that Luther, Ilsa, and Benji were sat around.

Ilsa began, “Draper is hosting a party to celebrate him becoming a partner with a film company, though it’s mostly a cover for the money coming in from the arms dealing anyway. Benji and I enter the house with the rest of the hired help, and take our positions as drink servers. When we see an opportunity, I will distract Draper.”

“While he’s distracted,” Benji continued, nodding fondly at Ilsa, “I bug a few rooms, and tap the house security, the cameras and the alarm system, with the micro-jacks.” He gestured to a few small pieces of hardware on the desk. 

“And in the meantime, I just have to stay in the getaway vehicle, parked midway between the house and the extraction point, and use his network to copy his schedules, accounts, and correspondents.” Luther went on.

“And I will be at the party under the pretense that I am a guest there. I will be ready to jump in if anyone is caught or suspected, and should the distraction by Ilsa not work or be interrupted, I cause a second, louder distraction.” Ethan finished. Everyone nodded, picked up the supplies, and headed out to the party. 

“Everyone, I have some bad news.” Ilsa’s voice came over the earpieces about an hour after everyone had taken their positions. “I can’t get a moment with him. In fact, I think Benji would have an easier time than I would.”

“Hold on, what’s that?” Benji asked quietly, turning away from the couple he had just served Champagne to. 

“I said you would have an easier time trying to distract the target. Why didn’t the fact that he’s gay come up in the briefing, exactly?” Ilsa asked, clearly annoyed.

“He’s gay? Hey, yeah, if we knew that why didn’t it come up? That seems like important information.” Benji responded, attention turned to Ethan. 

Ethan took several moments to respond. 

“Because I didn’t...know. None of us did. Ilsa, how do you even know?” Came Ethan’s voice over the earpiece. 

“Because he just slapped a waiter’s ass.” Ilsa responded, and she heard Benji stifle his laughter, which made her smile at the ridiculousness of the situation, “but he’s left the waitresses alone all evening. I tried making goo-goo eyes at him several times and all he’s done is ignore me. I think we have to change directions. Maybe Ethan can jump in with the back-up distraction or-“ 

“I can try.” Benji said suddenly. 

“What?” He heard Ethan say loudly. 

“I said I can try. Me and Ilsa can swap roles. It’ll be easy!” He assured, “bat my eyelashes a couple times, compliment his beard, I know the drill.” He cursed silently, way to out himself, dumbass.

“You know the drill-, Benji, this isn’t picking someone up from the bar-“

“Isn’t it?” Benji said suddenly. “Of all of us, who has had the most experience picking up gay men from the bar, Ethan?” He asked pointedly. Well, he thought to himself, in for a penny, in for a pound. They all knew now. Ethan stayed silent. “That’s what I thought. Let me handle this. Ilsa and Luther can handle my part, I’ll just get him alone.”

“Benji, think about this, we can regroup, come up with another plan.” Ethan began.

“Ethan. You weren’t worried about Ilsa. Don’t worry about me. I can do this. I’m going in.” Benji said calmly. 

“Got you covered, Benji, me and Ilsa will take it from here. Remember, you just have to get him away from the rest of the guests long enough for Ilsa to tap the security for the house and for me to hack into his network. Couple minutes should be enough, no more than ten.” Luther assured him. 

“Thanks, Luther. Ilsa, I need to trade off the hardware with you, be prepared to swap trays with me as we pass by each other.” 

“Of course, making my way towards you.” Ilsa agreed, and Benji turned, lightly setting the small box of micro-jacks on his tray, and casually walking toward Ilsa. The two didn’t even stop walking, Benji lifting Ilsa’s tray with his free hand and Ilsa reaching and taking his with her free hand. 

“Tray exchange successful.” Benji said quietly, “Approaching target now.” 

“Benji, please be careful.” He heard Ethan say, before Benji came into view of the target.

Benji stood off to the side of the target, a Mr Draper, an arms dealer who held the key to the castle of several mid-level terrorist groups across the world. Benji casually offered champagne to passing guests, careful to keep watch on Draper out of the corner of his eye. He watched as Draper set an empty champagne glass on the tray of a male server, before he leaned further in and made to grab the server’s free hand. The server pulled away quickly, giving a muttered excuse and quickly making his way away from Draper. Benji moved in. 

“Champagne, sir?” Benji asked, looking up at the strikingly tall man from under his lashes. The man reached for a glass while, and Benji felt a bit of pride, looking Benji up and down for a moment. 

“Thank you.” Draper said, hint of a Texan accent in his voice. 

“Of course, sir.” Benji replied with a slight bow of his head, making sure to glance at the man and look away quickly, biting his lip lightly as he did so. He began to turn away, hoping the man would pick up on the hints. If not, Benji thought to himself, he would try again in a few minutes.

Luckily for him, he didn't have to wait.

“Pardon me, have we met before?” The man asked, and Benji smirked to himself before turning back to the host. 

“I don’t think so, sir. I would have remembered meeting someone as famous, and as well dressed, as you, sir.” Benji replied, smiling in a way he hoped was charming. To his relief, the man smiled back. 

“Maybe we should be introduced, in that case.” Draper said slyly. 

“Benji, keep it up, we’re starting now.” He heard Ilsa say in his earpiece.

Benji grinned and let out a half-laugh, half exhale, trying to go for a “nervous but interested” kind of vibe. 

“I’m Scott.” Benji told the man, placing his tray of champagne on a nearby table, before grabbing a glass of champagne for himself, and stepping closer to the host.

“I’m Hammond, Hammond Draper.” The man replied. “Shall we?” He asked, tipping his head towards a much less crowded room of the house. 

“Lead the way.” Benji said, “sir” he added, and watched as a fleeting look passed over Draper’s face. Lust. So the man liked a position of power, Benji noted. Nothing he couldn’t work with. As they walked he sipped his drink casually. The earpieces were silent, either everyone was working too much to talk, or had switched to private lines. All the better, Benji thought, it’s hard to seduce when you have a voice in your ear the whole time.

The room was a library or an office, stocked from floor to ceiling in expensive looking books along the walls, a set of comfy looking leather chairs at the far side, and a desk covered in papers and a laptop to his right. 

“What a beautiful collection…” Benji said, taking a closer look at the books on the shelf to his left. “These must be extremely difficult books to have acquired. This one looks like it has real gold on the cover!” Benji exclaimed. He heard Draper chuckled softly behind him.

“How easily impressed you are.” Draper said, and Benji turned to affix him with a heavy lidded look.

“Well, it’s easy to be impressed by a man such as yourself, sir.” Benji said, his voice smooth. He watched as Draper slowly shut the door of the office behind him. 

Benji’s breathing hitched for a moment. He was nervous. Draper could simply be coming into him, as Benji wanted, but there was a chance Draper suspected something was off. Benji wondered if he’d been too forward, if he’d set off an alarm for Draper. 

His thoughts were cut short when Draper grabbed a hold of his wrist and pinned it and Benji against the bookshelf. Benji’s heart leapt in his chest as he stared up at Draper. 

“So this is what you meant by ‘introduced’,” Benji murmured, fluttering his eyes, and slowly reached his free hand up to Draper’s collar, until he hooked his fingers under his bow tie and slowly pulled Draper down until their faces were inches apart.

“Is there anything I can do for you, sir?” He asked in as low a voice as he could, and without warning, Draper was kissing him, hard, Benji’s head was tipped back so far and fast the crown of his head hit the bookshelf. Draper’s thigh was firmly between Benji’s own, pinning Benji’s hips to the shelf and Benji almost felt like he was being crushed against it. He certainly couldn’t move, one arm was still in Draper’s grip, and the other was pinned between his body and Draper’s, and Draper’s hips were grinding hard against Benji’s own, keeping him firmly against the wall.

“Come in, Benji-“ he heard Ethan in his ear piece, but with Draper’s tongue trying to find its way down his throat, Benji was in no position to respond. Instead, he tried to do what he had said he would. He tried to distract the man looming over him. He moved his hand that was still on Draper’s collar and started to undo some of the buttons, splaying his hand against the skin of Draper’s chest. Draper made a sound like a growl, which Benji took as a sign of encouragement, and kept working loose the buttons. Draper pulled back from the kiss, and started to pull Benji’s coat off his shoulders.

“Yes, come on, please.” Benji tried his best to sound desperate, but mostly he wanted Ethan to hear so he knew Benji was still ok. Benji’s heart was pounding in fear, but he only needed to get through a few more minutes of this before he could find an excuse to leave. Draper took the cue well enough, tearing off his own jacket and discarding it and his unbuttoned shirt to the side, before going back to kissing Benji in full force. Draper’s hands unbuttoned Benji’s dress shirt, before beginning to go to work on Benji’s belt, pausing the grinding of his hips so he could access the front of Benji’s trousers. 

“Are we-“ Benji paused between kisses to try and get a few words out at a time, trying to sound breathless, “going to be interrupted?” Draper bit Benji’s lip lightly, before chuckling. 

“This is my house. No one enters any room without me saying so.” Draper ran a hand up Benji’s torso, coming to rest on his shoulder. 

“Fabulous.” Benji breathed. This is going well, he thought to himself, if he could just keep Draper distracted with some making out until he got the all-clear from Luther and Ilsa, he could then make an excuse about getting back to his job. That is, until Draper let go of his wrist that he had pinned and placed it on his other shoulder. Draper began pushing downwards on his shoulders, and Benji realized Draper was trying to push Benji to his knees. 

“Are you sure?” Benji asked suddenly, leaning against the bookshelf to combat the pressure from Draper's hands. “You have a party to host and I-“ he ran a hand down Draper’s chest so the man would at least think Benji was still interested, “have coworkers who are going to wonder where I am at this rate.” 

“Benji,” he heard Luther over the earpiece, “great job. You can get out of there and meet me, Ilsa, and Ethan at the pickup spot,” Benji sucked in a breath. He just had to convince Draper to let him out of that room without alerting Draper to the fact that Benji was trying to make a run for it. 

Draper chucked, the pressure coming off of Benji’s shoulder for a moment. “So nervous, already?” He asked, before giving a much more forceful push against Benji’s shoulders, strong enough that it buckled Benji’s knees, and Benji found himself kneeling. His pulse was pounding in his ears. “Don’t be nervous. I don’t bite.” Draper chuckled, looming over Benji. 

“I guess we’re going to be here for a while, huh?” Benji mused, prayed the meaning got through to the team, “they’ll just have to continue without us out there.” 

“Copy, Benji. We can delay pickup until you are  
Safe, repeat, we can delay pickup until you are out of the house.” He heard Luther tell him, and his heart rate calmed a little. Benji knee in order to leave the house without alerting anyone that he was Susie Choi’s, he was going to have to go through with it. He wished desperately that he could turn off his mic, that the rest of them wouldn’t be able to hear what was about to happen, but he bit his tongue. This wasn’t the worst thing any of them would have heard during their IMF days. Benji recalled a particularly bad time when Ethan had been caught and tortured for almost ten minutes before the team had been able to find him, and his mic had been on the whole time. 

Benji took a quick breath to calm himself, and slowly began undoing Draper’s belt. God, he thought, it had been a while. This was not how he had expected his night to be going. He wondered briefly if Ilsa thought she’d be doing what Benji was doing right now, or if she had come up with a more elegant plan to distract him. 

Benji fumbled with shaky hands at the buttons on Drapers trousers, and heard Draper laugh above him. 

“Why so nervous?” Draper asked, threading a hand into Benji’s hair and lightly tipping his head back so Benji had to look up at him. 

“I’m not really used to, uh, situations like these happening with people as powerful as you, sir.” Benji lied. 

“I just,” and he ran his hands up Drapers thighs, watching as Draper tipped his head back and gave a growl of pleasure, “I didn’t think my night would wind up with me and THE Mr. Hammond Draper, well…” and Benji hardened his resolve and gently freed Drapers member from his trousers. Benji set to work trying to be convincing, grasping his hand around the base and slowly working over the tip with his mouth. Draper groaned, and Benji continued, though he could feel bile at the back of his throat. He pushed the sensation down, focused on keeping his breathing even.

After a few moments, Draper growled.

“Can’t you go any faster?” He demanded, and without warning tightened his grip on Benji’s hair and thrust into his mouth. Benji choked, but Draper only went faster. Benji tried to remember tricks he had learned in his college years. Loosen the throat, breathe through the nose, he told himself. He was almost getting used to the - albeit violating - feeling of Draper using his mouth when he heard the door open and then quickly shut behind them. 

Draper pulled himself free of Benji’s mouth and turned to see the intruder when he was met with a decisive blow to the head from Ethan. Draper hit the floor, limp like a doll. 

“Ethan?” Benji asked, bewildered. “What’s wrong? Did security catch onto us? Was the meeting place discovered?” He asked hurriedly. He paused, picked up his jacket and spit the taste in his mouth onto it, careful not to get any on the floor, before using a sleeve to wipe his mouth. He looked up to see Ethan looking between him, and Draper, who was still unconscious and half naked on the floor. 

“What, Ethan? What happened? Is everyone ok?” 

Ethan started at him for a moment, expression of outrage and worry being replaced by confusion.

“What?” He asked Benji, before striding over to him. “Is everyone ok?? Not important, are YOU ok?” He demanded, taking Benji’s face between his hands and tilting it gently side to side, as if looking for damage. 

“Ethan, what are you-?” Then they both turned their heads to the sound of someone walking to the door, and knocking. They turned to each other. 

“We need to get him dressed, and get him in that chair, before he wakes up, and before they come in.” Benji whispered when Ethan said nothing. Ethan nodded numbly in agreement. Benji managed to do up Draper’s trousers while Ethan buttoned up the shirt. The knocking continued as they both heaved Draper into one of the chairs, and Benji even managed to slip the glass of champagne into his hand while Ethan opened the window. 

“With any luck, they’ll assume for a moment he fell asleep.” Benji remarked, before his eyes landed on the laptop on the desk. 

“Benji lets go!” Whispered Ethan from the window, beckoning. Benji strode across the room and grabbed the laptop, careful not to dislodge anything else on the desk. He then hurried toward Ethan and the two carefully climbed out the window and into the garden. Benji wrapped the laptop in his ruined tux jacket, and the two of them made their way further away from the house. They had almost made it to the gates when they heard commotion behind them. Benji glanced back, and saw several burly security guards enter the gardens, though it was clear they hadn’t seen Benji or Ethan yet. 

Benji, hit with a moment of panic and inspiration, took the laptop and his jacket and carefully slipped them behind a low stone wall, under a fern-like plant. 

“What are you doing-?” Ethan started.

“If we start running now, and lead them on a bit, Luther can come and simply stick his hand through the fence and grab it.” Benji explained quickly. “Ethan, boost me over the fence NOW.” He instructed, and almost as if on autopilot, Ethan knelt and Benji used his knee as a step and hooked his leg over the top of the fence. 

“You there! Stop!” He heard one of the security guards shout, and as he tugged Ethan up over the fence, he heard a shot embed itself into the wall below him. 

“Run, dammit, run!” Ethan shouted as he took a hold of Benji’s wrist, and he and Benji took off sprinting. 

“Luther, Ilsa, come in!” Benji panted as he was dragged along. 

“Benji, what’s going on?? The house is in chaos, and almost all of Draper’s security is on your tail!” Luther said over the earpiece.

“There was a complication. I knocked Draper out and we took his laptop.” Ethan explained, barely sounding winded.

“You did WHAT-“ Luther demanded before Benji spoke up.

“I hid the laptop under a fern by the west gate, but the guys think we still have it. Luther, go NOW and collect it, while they’re still after us!” Benji instructed, “We can get everything sorted once me and Ethan have stopped running.” 

“Copy that.” Luther said, but he sounded pissed.

After another few minutes of sprinting and hiding, Luther cane back on the line. 

“Laptop acquired. Can you make it to the pickup spot?” Luther asked.

“Negative.” Ethan answered, voice haggard. “It’s too risky, just go without us, we’ll be fine!”

Benji supposed he was lucky Ethan was so good at remembering directions. The security guards almost caught up with them a few times, but Ethan seemed to know exactly when to hide, when to change direction, and when to double back, until they hadn’t even heard a security guard in almost ten minutes.

“Ethan, we’re being picked up and sent straight to the plane! We won’t have time to come back for you two!” Luther yelled over the earpiece as Ethan and Benji sprinted down a side street. 

“I remember where the Tennessee safe house is, I think.” Ethan said, clutching Benji’s wrist even harder and they rounded a corner, practically dragging Benji in order to keep up the pace. “Tell them our location and they can send in an extraction team by morning. And Luther, tell me that the laptop is what we need right now!!” He instructed breathlessly, taking another corner and hauling Benji across a deserted street. 

“Ethan, the laptop has some correspondents in it, and I think maybe access to at least one or two of the off-shore accounts. There might be more incriptded stuff here, but I need more time to parse it. Just focus on getting to the safehouse WITHOUT being followed!” Luther sounded angry to Benji, for sure. Benji winced as Ethan tugged him around another corner and through another alley. After a few more minutes of running, hiding and waiting to see if they were followed, more running, and then the calm walk toward the safehouse entrance, they were finally inside. 

“The HELL was that?” Ethan demanded as soon as the door to the tiny safe house had shut, his sudden anger genuinely scaring Benji for a moment, before his own anger bubbled up too suddenly to stop.

“What the hell do you mean ‘what the hell was that?’, Ethan?? You almost ruined the mission! That’s what it was! What, you couldn’t let me just distract the man? Feel the need to jump in when you thought I wasn’t doing a good enough job? Got some seduction tips for next time? Well if so, tell me BEFORE you decide the best course of action is knocking out our target!” Benji shouted, not caring if anyone on the street heard. They were alone, in a dingy little safe house, with their friends being flown halfway around the world without them, all because Ethan had decided he needed to play the hero. 

“I can’t believe you, Ethan. You’re always on board when plans change. You handle everything with ease! Hell, you were able to basically kidnap the prime minister of England when a plan went wrong once and we STILL managed to get out of that one fine!” Benji continued, balling up his fists at his side. “We had EVERYTHING we needed. He was completely unaware! And besides that, everyone but you was willing to wait just a bit longer for extraction so I didn’t even have to leave in a hurry and risk alerting him that there was anything wrong! What, did you think being knocked out was a better distraction than my flirting? I could have handled it, I was doing just fine-“

“That’s not the reason!” Ethan exclaimed. Benji stared at him, face still screwed up in frustration. Ethan was looking at the ground. 

“Then why? We are in an absolute hell of a predicament, and we could have avoided this if we had just stuck to the plan.” Benji said, sighing. 

“I….. I was. Worried. I was just worried he was taking it too far.” Ethan said finally. 

“What? What do you mean? With the sex?” Ethan almost imperceptibly flinched. Benji noticed, and as much as he didn’t like the thought of making Ethan uncomfortable, he needed to get to the bottom of this. “If Ilsa had been in my position, would you have still knocked him out?”

“That’s different.” Ethan said, still not looking at Benji. 

“How? She had that exact role to play.” Benji said.

Ethan didn’t say anything for a few moments. Finally he turned fully away from Benji. 

“I’m sorry. I acted without thinking. We’ll come up with a plan to meet with everyone in the morning, I think we both just need some rest.” Ethan said flatly. 

Benji stared at his back for a moment. Ethan sounded tired. Exhausted. It was clear there was something on his mind, but whatever it was he didn’t want to talk about it to Benji. 

“Alright, Ethan. We’ll drop it.” Benji said quietly, before scrubbing a hand over his face and turning to look around the rest of the safe house. 

The house was barely a house. A cramped one bedroom with one loveseat in the living room/entrance, a kitchen that was essentially a sink, an empty fridge, and a stove, a bathroom, and the bedroom had only a dingy looking queen bed in it.

“Wow, they really went all out on this one, huh?” Benji said once he had toured the house. 

“We don’t do a lot of recon work in Tennessee, I’ll admit.” Ethan said dryly. 

Benji laughed. He made his way to the kitchen. He quickly gargled a glass of water, spitting it into the sink, trying to forget about the evening. The cupboards proved better luck than the fridge, and Benji handed Ethan a protein bar and a glass of water. 

“They really know how to wine and dine here in Tennessee.” Benji drawled in as convincing a Tennessee accent he could muster. Ethan grinned, the first time he had looked anything but angry all night. 

“I’m getting in the shower.” Benji said, wrenching his gaze away from Ethan’s smile. Ethan made a sound of agreement, and Benji pulled out his earpiece, and made his way to the bathroom.

*

“Benji? Are you there?” Ethan heard Ilsa come over the earpiece about ten minutes later.

“He’s just in the shower,” Ethan explained, scrubbing a hand over his face, “What’s wrong?”

Ilsa was silent for a moment. “Ethan.” She paused for a moment. The background noise of the rest of the earpieces cut out, and Ethan could tell Ilsa had switched to a private line. 

“Ethan, I don’t know what is going on with you and Benji, but you have got to get it together.” Ilsa sighed,  
And the line went silent. 

Ethan swore under his breath.

Ethan waited, hearing the shower turn off, and the door to the bedroom close. He quickly got up and started the water to the shower, desperate to wash the day off his skin. He scrubbed his whole body but he still felt strange. He was tense, he knew that much. He knew it was about what had happened. 

But he just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Benji’s voice over the earpiece kept repeating in his mind. Yes, come on, please! Benji had sounded breathless and desperate, and Ethan had been worried and afraid and JEALOUS. God, he thought to himself, he’d been jealous. 

Yes, come on, please!

Ethan shook his head, scrubbing harder at the skin on his shoulders.

Eventually he realized the stream of warm water was doing nothing to help him, and he turned it off. He got dressed and eventually walked back into the hall, running right into Benji, who had been standing in the doorway to the bedroom. 

“Ethan!” Benji exclaimed, bumping back into the door frame to put a few inches between the two of them. 

“Sorry, sorry, I just thought you’d be asleep by now…” Ethan’s voice trailed. Benji looked at the floor.

“Well, there isn’t another bed, and I didn’t want you to try any martyr nonsense and try and sleep on the loveseat or the floor or something ridiculous.” 

Ethan looked between Benji and the bed. He knew what Benji was asking, but Benji was right. The Martyr part of him didn’t want to crowd Benji, to make him uncomfortable. He wanted to find a way to sleep anywhere else in the house. 

“It’s a big….well, it’s a medium bed, but we can make it work. I don’t move much in my sleep so don’t worry about me taking up your side.” Benji continued bashfully.

Ethan hesitated for another moment, looking between Benji and the bed again. He wouldn’t lie, there was a part of him that felt incredible at the idea, of sharing the bed with Benji, being so close, being right next to him if anything happened. But another, louder part, was telling him not to make Benji any more uncomfortable. He needed to not crowd Benji.

But Benji had been asking, hadn’t he? If Benji wasn’t fine with it, why would he have asked? Besides, Ethan reasoned, they were just going to be sleeping anyway. And only for a few hours. Nothing would happen. 

“Sure.” Ethan said, moving past Benji into the room. 

*

Benji drew in a breath as Ethan passed him. He was relieved he hadn't had to convince Ethan any more than that, he would have come across as desperate, he told himself. He followed Ethan, and they both came to rest at the sides of the bed. 

Benji moved first, climbing under the covers and facing away from Ethan, towards the wall. Ethan did the same after a moment, and they both simply lay there.

Benji screwed his eyes shut. He took long, calming breaths, trying to fall asleep. He focused on his breathing. On his heartbeat in his ears. On anything but the events of the evening or the warmth of Ethan just beyond his back. 

He eventually drifted into sleep.

*

Ethan was woken by a noise to his right. He flipped himself on the bed, immediately grabbing whatever had made the noise. After a moment of blinking, he realized he had grabbed ahold of the front of Benji’s shirt. He frowned in confusion. Right, he and Benji were sharing the bed. Right. But what had made the noise-

Benji made a high-pitched whine, followed by a quick breath. Ethan watched as Benji’s face contorted in pain, or maybe fear. And then the realization dawned on him. Benji was having a nightmare.

“Don’t-“ Benji muttered, his eyes moving rapidly under his eyelids, “stop- please-“ his words came in breaths, broken beginnings of thoughts or sentences. 

“Benji…” Ethan whispered. What was the best thing to do if someone was having a nightmare? He couldn’t remember.

“Don’t hurt hi- take me inste-“ Benji’s voice continued, the words trailing off in whispers before a particularly pained expression passed across his face, “Stop! Please!” His cries got louder suddenly and Ethan couldn’t stand the fear in Benji’s voice anymore.

“Benji! Benji, wake up!” He shook Benji’s shoulders, and after a moment, Benji’s eyes began to blink open. He stared at Ethan for a second, as Ethan leaned over him, before scanning Ethan quickly. 

“Thank god, you’re fine.” He whispered, and Ethan looked down at him in confusion.

“I’m so sorry, Ethan. Was I screaming?” Benji asked, lifting himself to a sitting position.

“Scream-? No, just talking in your sleep a bit.”

“What’d I say?” Benji asked cautiously.

“Missed most of it.” Ethan lied 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I didn’t think I’d have any nightmares tonight, it hasn’t been that stressful lately. Usually they’re only bad when I’m really stressed…” Benji explained, before sighing and scrubbing a hand over his face. 

“Today wasn’t stressful?” Ethan asked incredulously, half meaning it as a joke. Benji didn’t remove his hand from his face. Ethan gently took ahold of Benji’s shoulder. “I found when I told Julia about my nightmares, I felt better by the end, enough to go back to sleep sometimes.” He told Benji, his voice hopeful.

Benji didn’t react for a moment, before giving a deep sight and letting his hand drop to his lap. Ethan could make out very little in the dark, but to him, Benji’s eyes looked shiny with tears as he looked at the covers.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you about my dream, if you tell me why you jumped in and knocked Draper out. Deal?” Benji asked, his voice a little too hollow for Ethan’s comfort. Ethan kept his hand on Benji’s shoulder. 

I can always lie, he thought suddenly. I can just lie and say that Benji sounded like he was in trouble, Ethan reasoned. 

“Deal.” He said softly. Benji took another deep breath. 

“Sometimes it’s other dreams. Like falling, or being chased, basic stuff. But, one dream I get more than the others. I’m sitting in Lane’s office. Sometimes I’m alone with him and Vinter, sometimes you’re there too.” Benji began, his voice wobbly. 

“When I’m there alone in the dream, it’s just remembering Vinter…. Toying with me while I was strapped to that chair. Showing off his tools, heating up the instruments. Lane watching everything. Just, you know, remembering the…” and Benji paused, before giving a vague motion to his arms and chest. Ethan remembered the caked blood and the burns and all the bandages he’d had to go through to cover everything Vinter had done. He shivered remembering it. 

“But when you’re there with me in the dream, it’s different. I’m still strapped to the chair. Vinter still shows me all his tools, one by one. But then he uses them on you instead of me.” Benji drew in a labored breath, it catching in his throat before he continued. Ethan began rubbing small circles into Benji’s back as Benji went on. 

“And I beg, I offer to take your place, or offer them information, I try to escape the chair so I can help you, but nothing ever stops them. They just… god Ethan, I dreamt they cut off all your fingers one by one, once.” Benji’s voice cracked and Ethan moved in instinctively to hug him tightly. Benji buried his face into Ethan’s neck, clutching the back of Ethan’s shirt. 

“It’s ok, it’s ok, I’ve got you. It’s safe.” Ethan whispered into Benji’s ear, rubbing larger circles into Benji’s back as they embraced. They stayed like that for a few long minutes, Benji breathing heavily, warding off full sobs, Ethan rubbing his back. Eventually, Benji pulled away. 

“I’m sorry Ethan, I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or grossed out or anything.” Benji gave a forced chuckle, “I told you mine, now you gotta tell me yours.” 

Ethan hesitated. What could he say? 

“Please, Ethan.” Benji urged, voice barely above a whisper. “You’ve been acting strange over the last few missions. In London after we took down Lane, and then again after we disabled the bomb, and now, running in to ‘save’ me from Draper. I’m an agent, Ethan. You don’t need to treat me like a porcelain doll.” 

“I…” Ethan watched Benji in the dark for a moment, watched him rub his hand over his eyes quickly, trying to get rid of the evidence of his brief breakdown. Had Benji really been having that nightmare all these months? Of not being able to save Ethan? And what had he done to help Benji, Ethan thought viscously, patched up his wounds and sent him on his way? Let the man he thought of as one of his dearest friends carry around those memories alone, with no sign from Ethan that he could help? Ethan cursed silently, bitterly, thinking about all the times Benji had woken from a nightmare, had dreamt about Vinters tools, and Lanes face, while he and Ethan slept in the same safe house, and Ethan had done nothing to help him.

“Benji, I was scared.” Ethan said suddenly, pulling Benji’s hand away from his face and holding it tightly between his own hands, “I was scared. I was so frightened Draper was going to hurt you. Just like I let you get hurt the last two times.” Ethan could feel guilt welling up like tears, but he needed to get it off his chest

“But I was also….” he paused. Then swallowed his pride.

“I was jealous, I think.” He saw Benji freeze, his breaths getting shallower. 

“I heard the things you were saying to him and.. and I didn’t want you to be saying them to some target, I wanted you to be saying them to me. I wanted….. I wanted….” he didn’t speak for a moment, clutching Benji’s hand like a lifeline. “I wanted to keep you safe. But I also wanted… you.” He didn’t know what else to say. How long had it been since he wanted to say it? Since London? Since Morocco? Since Venice? He didn’t know for sure when he’d started feeling like this. 

God, what would Benji think of him now? He thought, the realization of what he’d just said catching up with him. Would Benji be repulsed, thinking back in the missions he and Ethan had done together over the years? Would he pity Ethan? 

He was startled out of his thoughts when Benji gave a weak laugh. 

“You… Ethan please don’t just be saying that. Please, if you’re trying to make me feel better, don’t joke like that. I’m…. I’m sorry, I know I couldn’t keep it under wraps, but you don’t have to bring up my stupid little crush just to try and make me feel better after a silly nightmare.”

My stupid little crush

“I don’t need pity, Ethan. Just-“

Ethan tipped forward suddenly, the momentum of the last year driving him towards Benji in one brief moment. Their lips didn’t meet so much as collide, Benji losing his balance and ending up pinned to the bed, Ethan straddling Benji’s waist. Ethan broke the kiss to rest on his forearms so he wouldn’t crush Benji, before dipping his head back down to press their mouths together again. He languished a few kisses on the stunned Benji before Benji spoke. 

“Ethan, are you serious? About this?”

“What can I do to convince you?” Ethan asked, before pressing another kiss to the corner of Benji’s lips. 

“Well, this is…. a start??” Benji exclaimed incredulously. “Ethan, why-? How long-?”

“Since…. god, was it London or Vienna? I think I realized I wanted us to be something, to become more than friends, that is, in the Viennin safehouse.”

Benji was silent for a beat. 

“Ethan, that was 8 months ago…” 

“I know!” Ethan laughed, pressing a kiss to the space where Benji’s neck met his shoulder, feeling Bwnji shiver as he did so. “I didn’t want to push you, is all, I wouldn’t have even brought it up tonight but….” Ethan paused. 

“But I didn’t realize you, you could have felt the same. You know. Towards me. As more than a friend. Until you talked about your dream. I didn’t realize that maybe you could care about me like that.” Ethan explained haltingly. 

“Didn’t realize-! Ethan, I’ve been trying to hide my feelings for you for years, you daft fucking idiot!” Benji said, his voice midway between anger and a laugh, which made Ethan start laughing. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I just-! I just can’t see what’s right in front of me sometimes. But I mean it Benji, how can I convince you I want you, I need you-“ Ethan took a moment to just look at Benji. Benji’s eyes were still wet with the tears he hadn’t managed to wipe away, his stubble was just coming in, his lips were slightly swollen and wet from Ethan kissing him, and he was the most beautiful person Ethan had seen in a very long time. 

“God, Benji, I think I love you.” 

“Ethan, I…” Their eyes met. Years of unspoken feelings, moments shared, meals at safehouse tables, patching up breaks and cuts, checking and double checking over earpieces, hands grazing as they exchange gear, sharing breath while hiding in a place much too small for the two of them, the laugh only Benji could draw out of Ethan. 

“Ethan, I love you too.”


End file.
